SO THIS IS THE NEW YEAR

and already it is so much better than the old! already i feel different, more secure. it feels as though i learned a lot in the past year, but what and pertaining to what i couldn't really say. mostly pertaining to myself, i imagine. ahh the self-centeredness of youth.

this year is already unlike any other because i am starting it off in love and i am loved in return. (sidebar: love is pretty great and a lot less painful than i'd always felt it to be). this year is already unlike the past couple because already i am taking steps to do what i mean to do instead of sitting around waiting for things to magically just sort of happen to me. this year, 2010, i will do things that are going to scare the shit out of me. and i will be anxious, and i will chew my nails off, and i will find several more snow white hairs in my bangs. and i'll lose sleep, and i'll be wracked with uncertainty, and i'll have bigger things at stake than ever before. and it will be GREAT. it's going to be fantastic and marvelous and a year like no other, and i look forward to all of it. i look forward to working hard and letting off a lot of steam and making plans and making plans come through and really especially i look forward to sharing it all with him. i can't wait to share a life with him. the mundane realities of dirty dishes and bills to be paid and building a home out of scratch all seem fairy-tale-like and beautiful from over here, because they'll be done in cahoots with him. we are going to wash dishes and become real people together and it will be lovely. i am and was going to be a real person with or without him, but for whatever reason, everything is a gladder prospect now that he's in the picture.

i'm not making resolutions this year, because they are cliched and destined for failure, but naturally and inevitably, i have a list of things i mean to work on in order to become more like who i'd like to be. also i love making lists! so here goes:

2010

• move out/up north/in with chris
• read more nonfiction, especially history, and less crap
• sleep more at night and less during the day
• learn a whole new skill, like archery or some type of dance
• improve my cooking skills beyond eggs and pancakes. successfully cook beef.
• pay off some debts (2 can be reasonably paid off this year) and improve my credit score
• learn to tell a couple of really good jokes and not fuck them up
• volunteer with real dedication for something i care about a lot
• stop leaving banana peels to rot in my car
• put real effort into writing something and trying to get it published
• learn to take a really fast shower
• get a real job
• take more pictures!!!
• go somewhere i've never gone before
• write more on a daily basis. even if it's just lists.

and so, ok, the new year started a week ago, but like, i was on vacation! haha